The only thing missing is a matching paddle!
The only thing missing is a matching paddle!
There’s a bit of a controversy floating around tumblr today. Safe words/consent are not optional. Take away a person’s ability to have a safe word and you take away consent. Even in TPE and M/s relationships where there is permanent consent there must be the ability to discuss and withdraw consent. Otherwise it’s abuse. Period.
You hold me without touch,Sara Bareilles (via submissivefeminist)
You keep me without chains.
I’ve never wanted anything so much,
Than to drown in your love.
No other words needed!
Absolutely lovely post and sentiment. And quite right. The expression of D/s is as varied and unique as those of us who bloom within it.
I totally get where’s she’s coming from. As I get older and soften more into he who owns me the more difficulty I have viewing some of the harsher D/s images that make it into my tumblr feed.
The Other Face of D/s
There is no single true way or path in D/s … there are a few common principles … but in the end it is what we make it … each couple in its own way … the product of two minds interacting to make something beautiful that could never be on its own … without this strange and wonderful symbiosis we share …
But the whole issue of whether I am “doing things right” or not is something I struggled with a lot when I was first starting to delve into all of this … I would read many things and at times have very negative gut level reactions … and then try to think my way through what I thought was actually right and why …
With the general conclusion I finally came to being this … I can now accept that others might be completely different from me … and actually crave things of a brutally harsh and demeaning nature … but I also know that such an ethos doesn’t speak to me at all … and that sentiment doesn’t make me either right or wrong …
My A and I build our fantasies in a way that many outsiders … especially those of a very vanilla orientation … would almost certainly consider degrading … just as much as I can find a very humiliating approach unappealing … but ultimately it is just our own personal expression of a D/s bond … nothing more and nothing less …
The core point I really wish to make though is that our manner of interacting is every bit as valid as many others … despite its softer tone … and the stereotype so often portrayed as “typical” online is not at all the only way …
The way we play is in certain important respects actually quite the opposite of what so many seem to espouse … my A may call me nasty names … among other things … but there is nothing in his approach that is truly demeaning … and he NEVER actually treats me in a way that I would be liable to experience as humiliating … it seems to be so universally accepted that humiliation comes with the territory in D/s … and yet it really doesn’t have to … my whole experience of growing with my A has rather been one of empowerment … building UP my self worth … not reinforcing some kind of inferior status … that fact can seem to make no sense on the surface … given the uneven distribution of power we both feed on … but it is absolutely the case …
I have come to understand and have confidence in my own self worth far more than I ever did before … in service to him I have actually come to know my own power … he never demands … he merely accepts … and I only want to give more as a result … never feeling more safe … more honoured … more adored … even as he nudges me along … testing my limits bit by bit … the most maddening man in terms of how he can make me wait … but always there … never judging … never tearing me down … always strong …
For those who truly just want to be footstools … made to feel worthless … they have every right to their choices … but it makes no sense to me … and could never be a way in which D/s could ever work for me … I honestly couldn’t be drawn to a man who would want to treat me in that fashion … and I find it really hard to believe that such cravings are actually that widely held in the female population … I think many are persuaded to THINK they want such things … for any number of reasons … but I also think the number that really do is actually quite small …
Any who have bothered to follow me for a while will know that I came to feel very close to Cat in the months before she passed away … such a very great and beautiful soul … and it is my sense that she and I hit it off so quickly because we were of a generally similar type … strong but deeply submissive … “born slaves” some might even say … and yet for all that our need to give is or was at the extreme and more absolute end of the scale … neither of us craved actual degradation … or found our fulfillment in an expression of D/s that made us feel unworthy …
There is so much posting on Tumblr that seems to suggest that a harsh … sadistic … and misogynistic approach … is the only real and true way to practice D/s … and yet this isn’t always the case at all … there are a few on the other hand who represent what I would consider a saner more sensible face … another alternative … itself with differing layers of expression … but it is this “kinder” face that can unleash the deepest potential power of a D/s bond … at least in my estimation …
So it is my feeling … for whatever it’s worth … that this different perspective is one that needs at the very least to be presented more often … the odds being that … at least in a general way … the kind of take that couples like A and I have is one which would resonate more strongly with a larger number of people …
In any case … however you may choose to play … be safe … be sane … and remember that the virtue of respect should work in both directions … not always overly spoken perhaps … but always there …
I wish you peace …
Obviously the pacifier got used pretty quickly! My thoughts so far after using it for most of the afternoon, in no particular order …
1) It certainly keeps the peace in the house. He’s not as bothered by my “neediness” or attention getting tactics (usually unconscious I believe).
2) It’s nice knowing he’s found a way to remedy my shortcomings above. I like this active intervention.
3) Some commonsense things immediately apparent, no wearing outside the house. I was vacuuming and took it out so that I wouldn’t forget I had it in when I was emptying the cleaner outside. (We live a vanilla life on the outside)
4) Having a pacifier in is hard work. My jaws are getting a workout. Maybe my penis sucking will improve :)
5) I feel silly, randy, embarrassed and cute all at once. It keeps me in quite a subbie place having this physical restriction. It keeps me in the place I most enjoy being. I love it!
6) He told me to go and masturbate (as a reward for being good) though I had to keep it in. It was a distraction, sometimes welcome and sometimes not.
6) Positive side-effect. A cure for my oral fixation of needing to snack at the computer. A new weight loss tool I wonder? :P
Maybe more later.
At the store this morning he headed to the baby aisle. We don’t have children. He purchased a couple of pacifiers. I was giddy with delight and just a little wet. I do have a tendency to prattle on a bit. Although I’m on my best behavior, I’m just waiting for the first time I get on his nerves now.
This girl is really lucky <3
Just because I love this song. I love the way it always amplifies whatever my emotion at the time is.
This is a really nice version.
Facebook: You know my name, not my story.
Tumblr: You know my story, not my name.
The first duty of love is to listen.Paul Tillich